Freedom 5- Relationships

*Key points and quotes from “Life’s Healing Choices” by John Baker

“Blessed Are the Merciful…” -Matthew 5:7

“Blessed Are the Peacemakers…” -Matthew 5:9

I. Repairing Relationships

Most of us are not only dragging around personal brokenness, but are also carrying relational baggage as well.  Whether it was our brokenness, the brokenness of another, or both, the truth is that we have been hurt and have been hurtful to others. Although some may view relationships as superfluous, “niceties” in life, God views relationships as critical and core to our lives.  Relational wholeness is God’s hope and purpose for our lives.  The Ten Commandments and the Cross show us God’s guide and remedy for relational wholeness with God and others.

II. Repairing Relationships By Forgiving Those Who’ve Hurt Us

Have you ever taken a child to the ER?  The last thing the child wants is for someone to touch the area that hurts, but in order for the doctor to heal them, the doctor sometimes has to make it hurt a little more to heal the wound.  When we’ve been hurt by others, it’s hard to hear and listen to anything that “messes with” our wounds, and doesn’t seem to protect our wounds.  However, it is important for us to be open to hearing and allowing God’s healing hand and “procedures” to free us.  As painful as it might be, will you let God “mess” with your hurt?

“Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.” –Matthew 5:7

“When we are merciful to others, we are willing to forgive them, whether they deserve it or not.  That’s what mercy is about- it’s undeserved.”

Why We Should Forgive Others

1) Resentment Doesn’t Work

Resentment is unreasonable.

“Resentment hurts you much more than the person you resent.  You’re the one who’s stewing, spewing, stressing, and fretting.  You’re the one who’s losing sleep and being distracted from the joys of life.  It’s not bothering them at all!  They’re sleeping great!”

Resentment is unhelpful.

“Resentment cannot change the past, the problem, or the person who hurt you… Have you ever known anyone to say, “I feel so much better being resentful”?  Of course not!  Resentment just makes you mad and unhappy.”

Resentment is unhealthy.

“Resentment is an emotional poison with physical consequences…. Resentment can lead to depression, stress, and fatigue.  Nothing drains you emotionally like bitterness and resentment.”

2) You’ll Need Forgiveness In the Future

“The Bible says you cannot receive what you are unwilling to give: “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.’ (Matthew 6:12) It can be dangerous to pray the Lord’s Prayer.  In it, you are praying, ‘Lord, forgive me as much as I forgive everybody else.’  Don’t burn the bridge you need to walk across.”

3) God Has Forgiven You

“You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you.  Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.’ (Colossians 3:13)”

“You will never have to forgive anybody else more than God has forgiven you.  When you have a hard time forgiving someone else, it’s usually because you don’t feel forgiven.  It is a fact that people who feel forgiven find it easier to be forgiving.”

How We Forgive Others

1) Reveal Your Hurt

“If you want to close the door on your past and get closure so certain people don’t hurt you anymore, you can do it.  But there’s one thing you have to remember: there is no closure without disclosure… Once you’ve revealed the hurt, then you will be in a position to forgive.”

Take time to write down who hurt you, their relationship to you, what they said that hurt you, what they did that hurt you, how the hurt made you feel, and the effects that the wound had and/or has on your life today.

2) Release the Offender

When do I release the offender?

“The answer is that you do it now; you don’t wait for the offender to ask for forgiveness. You make the choice to do it independently of the other person.  You do it whether the person asks for forgiveness or not.”

Our freedom cannot depend on what others do.  It is dependent on our choices and God’s grace that meets us in our choices.

Is it always wise to release the offender face-to-face?

“Not always.  And in some cases it’s not even possible to go back to the people who have hurt you.  To bring up old hurts may not be productive for you or kind to them.  If your parents hurt you, they may not even know about it, and for you to go back to them forty years later and bring up old pain would just blow them away.”

“You may not be able to find some of the other people even if you wanted to.  They may have remarried, moved away, or even died.  What do you do in those situations?  There are two techniques you can use.  One is the empty chair technique… Another technique is to write a letter that you will never mail.”

“Say, ‘I need to say some things to you.  Here’s how you hurt me,’ and you lay it out… At the end you say, ‘But starting today, I forgive you because God has forgiven me, because resentment doesn’t work, and because I will need forgiveness in the future.”

3) Replace Your Hurt With God’s Peace

“We need to let God settle the score… He’s going to call things into account; He’s going to balance the books; and one day, He’s going to have the last word.  He’ll take care of it… He’s just.”

“The Bible tells us to ‘let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.’ (Colossians 3:15) You get to choose what rules your heart.  It can be the misery of unforgiveness or the peace of Christ.”

III. Repairing Relationships By Making Amends

“Repairing relationships is a two-part process: we’ve talked about forgiveness; the second part is making amends.  Not only have people hurt you; you have hurt other people.”

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.” –Matthew 5:9

The truth is that most of us are not necessarily “peacemakers”, but “peace-lovers”.  Even though we acknowledge the importance of working for peace and really like peace, we do not want to go through the difficult process of making peace.

Why We Need to Make Amends?

“If you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar.  Go and be reconciled to that person.  Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” –Matthew 5:23-24

In healing, restoring, and moving forward in freedom, it is important to not only repair our relationship with God, but with others as well.  In fact, if we do not acknowledge and make amends for the ways we have hurt others, we will not only carry guilt and the effects of guilt in our lives (destroying our confidence, damaging our current relationships, and keeping us stuck in the past), but Matthew 5:23-24 seems to suggest that making amends with others is a part of the process of making amends with God Himself.

How We Make Amends

“‘If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.’ (Romans 12:18) … Do what you can… You are responsible for what you do; you are not responsible for how the person you approach responds to your amends.”

1) Make a List

Write down the names of those you’ve hurt and their relationship to you, what you said to hurt them, what you did to hurt them, how you think you made them feel, and why you are sorry for hurting them.

If you are having trouble thinking of people you’ve hurt, the following questions may help.

• Is there anyone to whom you owe a debt that you haven’t repaid?
• Is there anyone you’ve broken a promise to?
• Is there anyone you are guilty of controlling or manipulating?
• Is there anyone you are hypercritical of?
• Have you been verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive to anyone?
• Is there anyone you have not appreciated or paid attention to?
• Is there anyone you have been unfaithful to?
• Have you ever lied to anyone?

2) Sit Where They Sit

“Most of us have heard these words from Jesus before: ‘Do to others as you would have them do to you.’  So stop and think, ‘If someone were going to come and apologize to me, how would I want it done?’

Here are four aspects to consider.

Timing- “You don’t just bring up a sensitive topic when they’re rushing out the door or as they’re laying their head down on the pillow: ‘By the way, I’ve got some stuff to deal with, and it involves you.’”

Attitude- “Sincerely and simply say what you did wrong.  Don’t make any justification for your actions or attitude; offer no excuses.  Just humbly acknowledge your part in the problem and assume whatever responsibility belongs to you.  The other person may have had a part in the problem too, but you’re just trying to clear up your side of the ledger.”

Appropriateness- “There will be some situations when contacting the one you’ve hurt would be unwise.  Remember, ‘except when to do so would harm them or others.’  If you were involved in an affair, it would be inappropriate to have further contact with that person.  The more serious your offense, the less likely it would be appropriate to make amends face-to-face.  So what do you do?  Once again, you can use the empty-chair or unmailed letter technique.”

Restitution- “Make restitution wherever possible.  If you’ve borrowed something and not returned it, return it.  If you owe somebody some money, pay it back- even if it takes a long time.  Making restitution gives you freedom and confidence.”

3) Refocus Your Life

“Today can be a new day.  Starting today, you can refocus your life on doing God’s will in your relationships.”

Reach out to God and ask him to not only help you forgive and make amends for your past, but to give you all that you need to have a healthy relationship with God and others moving forward.

V. Application

Write about it.

• How do you feel, overall, about the importance of relationships in your life?
• How do you feel or think about the reasons why we should forgive others?
• Write down who hurt you, their relationship to you, what they said that hurt you, what they did that hurt you, how the hurt made you feel, and the effects that the wound had and/or has on your life today.
• What are barriers that may keep you from forgiving others?

• What do you need to do to move from being a peace-lover to peace-maker?
• Why is it important to you to make amends with those that you have hurt?
• Write down the names of those you’ve hurt and their relationship to you, what you said to hurt them, what you did to hurt them, how you think you made them feel, and why you are sorry for hurting them.
• Use the questions under “Make a List” to help you see those you’ve hurt.
• What are barriers that may keep you from making amends with others?

Share about it.

Share your reflections from “Write about it” with someone nonjudgmental, trustworthy, and willing to help you, and ask them to pray for you.

Share your forgiveness and making amends list with your supporter before sharing with the people that hurt you or the people that you’ve hurt.  They may help you develop a safer plan that minimizes further hurt.  Your supporter may be good to have present when you do the empty chair exercise or to hear your unmailed letter.

Pray about it

Dear God, You have shown me that holding on to resentment for the wrongs done to me and refusing to make right my own wrongs has crippled me- emotionally, spiritually, and even physically.  I ask You today to help me be honest about the hurts I feel.  I’ve stuffed some and ignored others, but now I am ready to come clean and tell the truth about my pain.  As I do, I ask that You give me the strength and the courage so I can release those who have hurt me and let go of my resentment toward them.  Only by Your power will I be able to do this, Lord.

I pray, also, that You will give me the courage and discernment to know how to make amends to those I have hurt.  Help me to be honest as I look back and remember, and guide me as I find the ways to make restitution, where appropriate.

Finally, I pray that I can begin a new life today as I refocus my life on doing Your will in my relationships.  Help me set aside my selfishness and set my whole heart on You and Your ways.  I know I have a long way to go, but I’m so thankful for your presence and help every step of the way.  Lead me on, Lord.  I put my past and future in Your hands.  Amen.

Freedom 4- Purity

*Key points and quotes from “Life’s Healing Choices” by John Baker

“Blessed Are The Pure In Heart…” -Matthew 5:8

“Blessed Are Those Who Hunger and Thirst for Righteousness…” -Matthew 5:6

I. Clearing Out the Dross

“A pure heart is one that is free and clean of impurities.  It is a heart free of all the junk that weighs us down, washed clean of all the hurts, hang-ups, and habits that plague our lives.  Those who are truly pure in heart aren’t afraid of their pasts.  They don’t spend their todays looking over their shoulders at yesterday.”

II. The Effects of Guilt

1) Guilt Destroys Our Confidence

“Guilt and confidence cannot exist in the same person.  Guilt is the fear that I’ll be caught or that people will realize I’m not all that I say I am.  Guilt makes us feel insecure because we’re worried that somebody will find out the truth about us.”

2) Guilt Damages Our Relationships

“Guilt sabotages our relationship by causing us to overreact out of impatience or anger, or we explode without reason because of some buried guilt… Guilt can also cause us to indulge people unwisely.  Parents often feel guilty over poor choices they have made and overcompensate by indulging their children.”

“Guilt can cause us to avoid commitment.  We wonder why we won’t let people get close to us.  We allow ourselves to get just so close but no closer… Past relationships push their way into the present and taint the future.”

3) Guilt Keeps Us Stuck In The Past

“Guilt tries to keep us focused on what’s behind us by replaying the past in our minds… all the things we wish we could change… It’s like driving a car by always looking in the rearview mirror.  A rearview mirror is helpful, because it gives us perspective.  Looking at our past gives us perspective, too, but if we look only at our past, we never get to see the present or look forward to the future.”

“Feeling guilty cannot change the past, just like worry cannot change the future.  Feeling guilty just makes our today miserable.”

III.  Moving Past Guilt

1) Take A Personal Closet Inventory

Make time to begin your inventory.

• Carve out space and time to be alone without interruptions and rushing.

Open your heart and your mind.

• Invite God to reveal to you what you need to see.
• “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test my thoughts.  Point out anything you find in me that makes you sad and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”-Psalm 139:23-24

Be ruthlessly honest.

• “Our healing starts with us being radically honest and saying, ‘I’m the problem.’  We can’t keep saying, ‘If I could just change relationships, jobs, or locations, then everything would be fine.’  The problem with that kind of thinking is wherever you go, there you are!”
• One African-American pastor said it best, “The issue is-you.”

Write it down.

• The Person: List the person or object you resent or fear.
• The Cause: List the event or specific actions someone did to hurt you.
• The Effect: Write how the specific event has effected your life in the past and present.
• My Part: Write down honestly what your part was and is in regards to the past event, current resentment, or continued effects.

• “SPECIAL NOTE: If you have been physically or sexually abused as a child or adult, I want you to know that I am so sorry that you suffered through that abuse.  When you get to ‘My Part’ in the inventory, simply put the words ‘NONE’ or ‘NOT GUILTY.’”

Remember God’s grace and goodness.

• As we begin to see realistic truths about ourselves, it is critical to remember that God is willing to forgive us for whatever our inventory uncovers.

2) Ask and Receive God’s Forgiveness

“If we freely admit that we have sinned, we find God utterly reliable and straightforward- he forgives our sin and makes us thoroughly clean from all that is evil.”- 1 John 1:9

“No matter how deep the stain of your sins, I can take it out and make you as clean as freshly fallen snow.”- Isaiah 1:18

There’s no magic formula or certain words you have to say.  Don’t beg, bargain, or bribe.  Simply talk to God and sincerely ask God to forgive you for the specific areas of responsibility that you acknowledge, and know that God forgives you.

3) Forgive Yourself

As you might have already heard, “Who are we to not forgive ourselves when God Himself has forgiven us?”  Are we more righteous than God?  Do we have higher standards than God?  Sometimes pride gets in the way of us receiving God’s forgiveness.  “I can’t believe I did that.  I can understand other people doing it, but not me.” Remember, you are just as broken and limited as others.

Remember God is more gracious than we will ever be.  Remember, that Jesus Christ died on the cross to pay for all the wrong we have done and will do.  Remember, God forgives you.  Forgive yourself.

IV.  In Pursuit of Purity

Purity is not only about what is absent, but also about what is present.  Purity is about the existence of only one thing.  Pure gold means there is only gold.

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness…” -Matthew 5:6

Although many people think of “righteousness” as a following of a set of laws, the biblical definition of righteousness is “faithfulness to a relationship”.  We follow certain ways and moral codes, because they are pleasing to God.  Righteousness is pleasing God.  A pure heart is a heart that seeks only to please God. 

1) Focus On Changing One Issue At A Time

“Trying to tackle all thirty problems at once is like those little bugs that fly around in all directions, never making any real progress but stirring up a lot of motion.  Ask God to help you focus on one defect at a time. Otherwise you’ll feel overwhelmed and discouraged.”

2) Focus On Victory One Day At A Time

“It’s like the old saying: ‘How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time… We live in a world of instant everything:  mashed potatoes, microwave popcorn, even information.  And we want instant spiritual maturity.”

“Ask God, ‘Lord, just for this day, I want to be patient and not get angry.  Just for today, protect me from going to those Internet sites.  Just for today, I want to be positive instead of negative.’ Remember, one day at a time.  Bite-size pieces.  Each night celebrate and thank God for whatever change or victory He has worked in your life, no matter how small.”

3) Focus On Good Things

“Did you know that every time you think a thought- positive or negative- it sends an electrical impulse across your brain, and that impulse creates a path?  Every time you think the same thought, the path gets deeper and reinforces that brain pattern.  Some of us have negative ruts in our minds because we’ve thought the same negative things over and over.  But we can also create positive pathways in our minds.  Every time we think about a spiritual truth, we reinforce that positive brain pattern.”

“Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right.  Think about things that are pure.  Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about.” –Phil. 4:8

4) Focus on Doing Good, Not Feeling Good

“It’s always easier to act your way into a feeling than to feel your way into an action… If you wait until you feel like it, you may have a long wait.”

“Anytime you try to change a major part of your life- a character defect, flaw, personality trait, or weakness- it won’t feel good at the start.  In fact, it will feel awkward.  Even more, it will feel bad for a while… It won’t feel normal.  Sometimes we are so used to feeling abnormal that normal doesn’t feel good.”

5) Focus On Progress, Not Perfection

“Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that God will only love you once you reach a certain stage.  God loves you at each stage of recovery and growth… Just as a parent thrills at his or her baby’s first steps, your heavenly Father thrills at each and every step of your growth- no matter how small.  It’s the direction of your heart that pleases Him.”

“I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again.” –Philippians 1:6

V.  Application

Write about it.

• What “effects of guilt” have you seen in your life?
• Take time to write down your reflections from your personal closet inventory.  It might be helpful to use the chart given in this lesson.
• Is there any barrier keeping you from asking and receiving forgiveness from God or from forgiving yourself?
• How do you feel about pursuing purity after understanding that it is not only about what is absent, but about what is ultimately present?
• Take time to answer the questions that were asked at the end of the “Pursuing Purity” section.

Share about it.

Share your reflections with someone nonjudgmental, trustworthy, and willing to help you.

Pray about it

Dear God, You know my past- all the good and bad choices I have made and all the good and bad things that have happened to me.  I ask that you give me humility, strength, and courage to do an honest personal closet inventory of my life.  Please open my eyes to the truth of my past- the truth of how others have hurt me and how I have hurt others.  Please help me reach out to others You have placed along my pathway to healing.  Thank You for providing these individuals to help me keep balanced as I do my inventory.  As I come clean, I thank You in advance for the forgiveness You have given me.

I also want to submit to any and all changes You want to make in my life.  By Your grace, I am ready to face it and deal with my issues one by one.  I have issues that have hurt me and issues that have hurt others.  I’ve lived with some of these issues for so long that they have become a part of who I am.  I have tried by my own power to fight against my issues and have failed over and over.  I now ask that by Your power and the power of Your Holy Spirit that You transform my mind, my heart, and my actions.

I need Your help in knowing where to start.  I cannot handle all my issues at once.  Show me, Lord, where should I begin?  Help me as I look over my closet inventory list.  Which character issue is the most damaging to my life and others?  I am ready to follow Your lead.  Amen.

Freedom 3- Control

*Key points taken from “Life’s Healing Choices” by John Baker

“Blessed Are The Meek…” -Matthew 5:5

Many times, when we try to control our lives, we end up in a cycle of despair- guilt, anger, fear, despair.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me- watch how I do it.  Learn the unforced rhythms of grace… Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”- Matthew 11:28-30 (MSG)

The gift of Jesus’ leadership, guidance, and control is available to us today, but many of us have a hard time handing our lives over to Him.

I. Barriers to Our Surrender

1) Pride

“A self-sufficient fool falls flat on his face.”- Proverbs 10:8

“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.”- Matthew 5:5

2) Guilt

“Problems far too big for me to solve are piled higher than my head.  Meanwhile my sins, too many to count, have all caught up with me, and I am ashamed to look up.”- Psalm 40:12

3) Fear

• Sometimes we’re afraid to trust God.
• Sometimes we’re afraid of losing control.
• Sometimes we’re afraid of becoming a religious fanatic.

What are you afraid of letting go?  Is it a relationship, an ambition, a habit, a lifestyle, or a possession? What might you gain in place of what you give up? 

“How does a man benefit if he gains the whole world and loses his soul in the process?  For is anything worth more than his soul?”-Mark 8:36-37

4) Doubt

Jesus invites us to come to him with whatever amount of faith we have.  It’s not necessarily how much faith we have that matters, it is how much of it we are willing to actually put into practice.  A man named Jairus prayed, “Lord, I have a lot of doubts.  I want to believe; help me with my unbelief.”  Jesus said, “That’s good enough.”

II. Meekness:  Unleashing God’s Will for Our Lives

“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.”- Matthew 5:5

Surrendering to God’s care and control is a call to true meekness. Many people equate meekness with weakness, but nothing could be further from the truth.

“The Greek word for meekness actually means ‘strength under control.’ The Greek word is used to describe a wild stallion that is tamed and taught to be ridden.  That stallion still has all its strength, but now its strength is under control, ready for its master’s use.”

“Meekness is surrender; it is submitting; it is agreeing to do what God wants done in your life.”  Meekness is staying strong to follow God’s way when it would be easier to follow the current and trends around us.

III. Meekness In Action

It’s one thing to say that we submit to God’s control and care over our lives, but how do we live that out in our daily lives?

1) Accept God’s Son As Your Savior and Lord

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”- John 3:16

2) Accept God’s Word As Your Standard

“All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching the faith and correcting error, for resetting the direction of a person’s life and training them in good living.”- 2 Timothy 3:16

3) Accept God’s Will As Your Purpose

“God, I want to do what you want.  Your teachings are in my heart.”- Psalm 40:8

4) Accept God’s Power As Your Strength

“I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power.”- Philippians 4:13

IV. Application

“Being willing means changing our definition of willpower.  Our willpower needs to become the willingness to accept God’s power.”

Write about it.

• What are some key issues that you are dealing with in your life lately?
• What insights do you gain about yourself as you reflect on the different “barriers to surrender”?
• What insights or feelings come up as you reflect on what it means to be truly meek?  What is appealing or not appealing about being truly meek?
• What are your personal challenges to “accepting” God’s control and care in your life through His Son, Word, will, and/or power?
• Are you ready to entrust your life to the control and care of God?  What are some key ways you can consistently live out this commitment?

Share about it.

Share with someone nonjudgmental, trustworthy, and willing to help you.

“As iron sharpens iron, so people can improve each other.”-Proverbs 27:17

Pray about it

Ask God to come and take control and care of your life.

Dear God, in this moment of clarity, I acknowledge that what I and others have been doing with the controls of my life has not been working. Please take control and care of my life.

Lord, the barriers of pride, guilt, fear, and doubt make it hard for me to live out my commitment to surrender to you on a daily basis.  Please help me.  Please give me the strength, courage, and trust in You to be meek in the midst of trials and temptations.  This is so hard, and that is why I ask for Your help.

I know there are times when I may do things or say things that will make it hard for me to accept myself, let alone see how You could ever accept me.  In those times, and at all times, help me to accept the truth that You sent Your Son, Jesus, to die for my sins so I can be forgiven.  Help me to also accept Your Word, will, and power to not only guide me, but ultimately help me live according to Your life-giving ways.

For Your glory and for Your perfect will for my life and the world, I now surrender the control and care of my life to You.  In Your loving and able name, Amen.

Freedom 2- Pain

*Key points taken from “Life’s Healing Choices” by John Baker

“Blessed are the poor in spirit…”- Matthew 5:4

I.  What We Do With Our Pain.

In the first session, we talked about the reality that we are all limited, broken, and imperfect individuals.  We also talked about the reality that we try to deny or cover-up our imperfections, and try to control the uncontrollable.  In the end, the consequences of all these realities leave us dealing with emotional, spiritual, and sometimes even physical pain.

1) We deny our pain.

“Have you ever thought about how much time and effort you spend running from pain?  Trying to avoid it, deny it, escape it, reduce it, or postpone it?… We’ll try almost anything to control our pain.  But the real pain comes when we realize, in our quieter moments, that the pain is still there.”  The biggest lie we say to ourselves when we feel pain, “I’m fine.”

2) We blame our pain.

“Sometimes in our denial, we excuse ourselves and we accuse others: ‘If my wife would just get her act together, then our marriage would be just fine.’  We play the blame game.”

3) We become our pain.

“When we carry a hurt for a long time, we eventually find our identity in that hurt and become a victim.”  It’s amazing how quickly we swing from one extreme to the next.  We go from completely denying or blaming away our pain to being completely consumed by our pain.

4) We face our pain.

There is another way.  It is not easy, but it is good.  While we are denying or covering up, blaming others, or identifying ourselves with our pain, God speaks a word of invitation to us.  “Come with me.  As I have already done for you on the cross, come with me and face your pain.”

II.  Facing Our Pain

“Pain is God’s way of letting us know something is seriously wrong and needs our attention.  If your appendix bursts, and you felt no pain, you wouldn’t know your body needed help.”

“Pain is God’s fire alarm.  If a fire alarm went off in your house, you wouldn’t say, ‘Oh, there goes that fire alarm again!  Make it stop.’  Hopefully, you would do something about it.”

*Important Clarification:  Just because God allows pain to enter our life does not mean that He causes the pain, or enjoys seeing us in pain.  Although there are factors beyond us, pain is often a consequence of our poor choices or the poor choices of others.  God doesn’t cause the fire, but does give us the sense of pain so that we will protect ourselves from further, greater damage to our lives.

1)  We mourn.

When we are willing to finally face our pain, the first thing we do is mourn. 

We mourn our past  mistakes.

When we stop denying and blaming others for our pain, the pain of accepting our past mistakes and the pain of regret fills our souls. “I wish I hadn’t made those dumb decisions… I wish I hadn’t responded as I did… I wish I hadn’t done what I did… I wish…”

We mourn our loss of control.

“Even though we never were really in control, we thought we were.  Facing up to that fact brings a sense of real loss.”  Realizing that we never really were in control, and never really can control the most important things in our lives and in the lives of our loved ones can be very discouraging.

2)  We find a pathway to comfort.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”- Matthew 5:4

Now, our passage for today starts to make sense.  The reason those who mourn are blessed is because those who mourn are those who are facing their pain.  And those who face their pain, walk through the mourning process, and call upon God to help them, will find comfort, forgiveness, healing, and new life.

“To all who mourn in Israel, he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair.”- Isaiah 61:3    

III.  Comforting Truths About God

The critical step of moving from “mourning” to calling upon God for help is aided by the knowledge of who God really is.  It is one thing to believe God exists, but it is another thing to truly believe that God is someone that we can truly trust with our broken, out-of-control lives.  Until we understand God’s true character, we will have a hard time completely trusting Him.

1)  God knows and cares about our situation.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted…”- Psalm 34:18

“You know how troubled I am.  You have kept a record of my tears.”- Psalm 56:8

You have never shed a tear (on the outside or inside) that God missed.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love.”- Jeremiah 31:3

“God cares about us when we serve Him and when we don’t, when we’re right and when we’re wrong.”  God’s love for us is unconditional.  God’s love is not based on who we are or on our performance.  God’s love is based on God’s character.

2)  God can change us and our situation.

“I pray that you will begin to understand the incredible greatness of his power for us who believe him.  This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead.”- Ephesians 1:19-20

“If God can raise Jesus Christ from the dead, He can certainly raise a dead relationship.  He can set us free from an addiction.  He can take away our guilt and shame.  He can help us close the door on the past so those memories stop haunting us.  God has the power to change us and our situation.”

IV.  Comforting Gifts from God

“The Spirit that God has given us… fills with power, love, and self-control.”- 2 Timothy 1:7

Power

“We need power to break habits we can’t break on our own.  We need power to do what we know is right but can’t seem to do by ourselves.  We need power to break free from the past and let those memories go.  We need power to get on with the kind of life God wants us to live.”

Love

“We need real love.  We want to be able to love people and have them love us back.  We need to let go of the fear of getting hurt by the ones we love.  We want the ability to establish deep, meaningful, authentic relationships rather than superficial, hurtful, selfish relationships.”  God’s love gives us the assurance and safety to love others without fear.

Self-Control

“We also need self-control, but we can’t have self-control until Christ is in control of us.  When Christ is in control, we understand, perhaps for the first time, what it means to get it all together.”

God’s power, love, and control are available to us, but it does take admitting our humanity and calling upon God’s divinity, “Help, Lord!  Come, Holy Spirit!”

V.  Application

Choices have consequences.  Choose wisely. 

At the end of every study, we will have choices to make.  Choose wisely. 

Write about it.

• What pain has God been using as a megaphone in your life to alert you to your need for help?
• What pain have you been denying?
• Who or what have you blamed for your problems- either partially or completely?
• In what areas do you feel stuck in the pain of your past-powerless to change?
• What area(s) of your life are you ready to allow God to start helping you?
• What are you still afraid to turn over to God?

Share about it.

Share with someone nonjudgmental, trustworthy, and willing to help you.

“As iron sharpens iron, so people can improve each other.”-Proverbs 27:17

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!.. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”- Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, 12

Pray about it

Ask God to help you face your pain, heal you, comfort you, and use you to bring comfort for others who mourn.

Dear God, please help me not to ignore this pain You are using to alert me to my need for help.  You know and care about all the pain and hurt I have in my life.  Today I need Your help.  I can’t do it on my own. 

First, I pray for Your power in my life.  I need Your power to break habits I can’t break.  I need Your power to help me do the things that I know are right but can’t seem to do on my own.  I need Your power to break free from my past.  I ask for Your power to get on with the plans You have for my life.

Next, I pray for love.  I want real love. I pray that with Your love I can let go of past hurts and failures.  God, I ask You to help me have genuine intimacy with You and others. Help me not be afraid of really loving and of really being loved.

Lastly, I pray for real self-control.  Take control of my life, and give me the humility and knowledge of You to let you lead my life toward comfort, healing, and the comfort of others.  I make this choice today, and pray that you would be glorified in it.  In Your able name, Amen.

Freedom 1- Limitations

*Key points taken from “Life’s Healing Choices” by John Baker

“Blessed are the poor in spirit…”- Matthew 5:3

Many today are captive to hurts, hang-ups, and habits.

God wants us to be free!

Causes

Our Tendency to Do Wrong.

• “I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don’t do it.  Instead, I do the very thing I hate.  I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong… but I can’t help myself….”- Apostle Paul

Our Attempt to Control.

• We try to control our image.
• We try to control other people.
• We try to control our problems.
• We try to control our pain.

Consequences

Fear

• “We are afraid somebody will find out who we really are- that we’re fakes and phonies, that we really don’t have it all together, that we’re not perfect.  We don’t let anybody get close to us because they’ll find out that we’re scared inside, and so we fake it.  We live in fear, afraid someone will reject us, not love us, or not like us when they know what we are really like.  We believe they will only like the image we work to present.  We are afraid.”- Baker

Frustration

• Like the game where you try to knock down all the gophers at one time, life can be frustrating.  When we try to control all our problems, conflicts, image, and others, there’s always one or two little head popping up.

Fatigue

• Trying to control the uncontrollable, and hiding or denying our brokenness is absolutely tiring.
• “Denial requires enormous amounts of emotional energy- energy that could be used in problem solving is actually diverted into problem denying, problem hiding, and problem avoiding.”- Baker

Cure

Admitting Poverty

• “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”- Matthew 5:3

• I admit that I am powerless to change my past.
• I admit that I am powerless to control other people.
• I admit that I am powerless to cope with my harmful habits.

True Humility

• Humility is acknowledging our humanity, and calling out to God’s divinity.

Application

Write about it

• Take time to honestly reflect on your life and write about it. 
• Are there hurts, hang-ups, and habits that you are denying? 
• In what areas are you trying to control the uncontrollable?
• What consequences have you been experiencing?
• How do you really feel about the cure?  What are you going to do about it?

Share about it

• Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, 12- “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!.. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
• Share your reflections from “Write about it” with a nonjudgmental, trustworthy person.

Pray about it

• Serenity Prayer
• Psalm 23
• “Dear God, I’ve often tried to control my problems, my pain, my image, and even other people.  I’m sorry.  I’ve tried to deny my problems by staying busy and keeping myself distracted.  I admit that I am helpless to control this tendency to do things I know are unhealthy for me.  Today I am asking for Your help.  I humbly ask You to take all the pieces of my unmanageable life and begin the process of healing.  Please heal me.  Please give me the strength to choose health and freedom.  In Your loving and able name, I pray.  Amen.”

“Who will rescue me from this body of death?  Thanks be to God- through Jesus Christ our Lord!”- Romans 7:24-25

Hephzibah

This is the word that stuck with me in my devotion this morning (Isaiah 62).  Hephzibah, what does it mean?  “My delight is in her”.  Wouldn’t it be great if God spoke these words over you and me… “my delight is in you”?  What is your name today?

The Good News is that God speaks Hephzibah over us even with our frailties and shortcomings.  The crazy reality of God’s amazing grace is that God delights over us not only depending on our “product” or “production”, but on the true desires and intentions of our hearts. 

Today’s reflection reminds me of a song I used to sing awhile back, “My Delight”.  May we sing the following words with our lives, and hear the song of heaven singing His delight over us as well.

My Delight by Andy Park

Father, You are my portion in this life
And You are my hope and my delight
And I love You
Yes I love You
Lord I love You
My delight

Jesus, You are my treasure in this life
And You are so pure and so kind
And I love You
Yes I love You
Lord I love You
My delight

True or False?

“Whom have you so dreaded and feared that you have been false to me..”?- Isaiah 57:11

Jesus sat down with Peter and said, “Do you love me?” Today’s passage from Isaiah feels like another heart to heart between God and us, “Can you sit down? What are you so afraid of? Why have you been so untrue to me?”

Today, will I be true or false to my God? Lord, open my eyes to the fears that draw me away from your path of truth and life. Lord, give me the faith, courage, and love for You to walk with You today.

Unshakable

This is a passage that definitely ministered to my soul this morning.

“‘Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, ‘” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.”- Isaiah 54:10

Lord, may the people of Haiti and all who find themselves in the rubble of shaken foundations know your unshakable, unfailing presence and love today. May all who are dealing with changes that bring restlessness and uncertainty know the certainty of your love for them today. Lord, let it be so.

Quotes from “Uprising” by Erwin McManus

“One bad or painful experience can cause you to remain on the banks. But when you do, you neither move forward nor backwards; there you sit, just watching life go by.”

“When we lose the character of God, we lose the life of God in us. But to have His character, we must first die to ourselves, because to become like Him is what it means to really live.”

“So many of us have abdicated our passions for obligations, as if passion is a luxury for the young, and we must all grow up one day. We, even if reluctantly, fall into place to live a life of conformity that we describe as ‘maturity.’ We’ve made acting like an adult synonymous with living apathetic lives.”

“The furnace of our passions is our character, and while evil character burns hot for destructive passions that consume and destroy, the character of God ignites passion for what is good and true. Our quest is to have God’s character formed in us so that His passions might burn in us.”

“Deeper than our instinct to live is our longing to be alive.”

“Sin creates the illusion of freedom. In the end it fools us into seeking freedom from God rather than finding freedom in God.”

“God, who was their deliverer, was often treated as their oppressor.”

“Is it possible that Adam and Eve fell into the same trap that we have- a view that freedom is to go and experience that which God has forbidden rather than to fully experience all that God created for our pleasure?”

“The journey to freedom is paved by the substance of our character.”

“Our capacity to run free is related to our commitment to stand firm.”

“Will you refuse to be nothing more than an echo in a world full of meaningless noise?”

“Eventually we have to be able to look at ourselves in the mirror and decide there’s someone else that we want to see there. But everyone who’s going to make this particular trek has to pass through the same gauntlet that has brought me and so many others to that place where in the deafening silence we hear the cry of our own soul screaming, ‘I want to change!’”

“Move from imitation to authenticity. Not the kind of authenticity that simply wants to be real, but the kind that is determined to be the real thing.”

“When we are in love with ourselves, we are prone to only listening to what we want to hear. We become more than willing to trade insight for affirmation. We want to feel good about ourselves more than we want ourselves to become good.”

“Selfish ambition makes us emotional, relational, and material black holes, consuming everything around us. All that has the potential for light is swallowed up by the darkness of our hearts.”

“When we are driven by vain conceit, we become slaves to performance. In our desperate quest to gain the praise of others, we end up living our lives as inauthentic performers.”

“As long as we’re living for ourselves, and our lives are about us, we will strive to control everything around us. The more self-oriented we are, the more controlling we are.”

“One of the most perplexing things about a life of greed and pride is that we become slaves to shame and guilt.”

“The shape of your character is the shape of your future.”

“Ironically, when we are most full of ourselves, we are most likely to make fools of ourselves.”

“Humility is not about having a low self-image or poor self-esteem. Humility is about self-awareness.”

“The word humble comes from humus, whih is simply translated ‘earth’ or ‘dirt.’ Humility is about coming to grips with our humanity.”

“It seems hard for us to believe, but God is not impressed with talent nearly as much as He is with character.”

“When we humble ourselves, we choose the place of least honor and allow God to call us to any role of servanthood He might desire.”

“We must make ourselves nothing in order to receive everything that God longs to give us.”

“The real test of submission is when we disagree, when we don’t like what God has said because it goes contrary to our personal interests or desires. If we find ourselves unwilling to submit to truth in those cases, then we are living by truth not because we agree with God, but because God agrees with us.”

“Submission is not about powerlessness; it is about meekness. To be meek is to have controlled strength.”

“We cannot be entrusted with authority over others if we cannot be trusted to live under the authority of others.”

“The quest for honor is not where we pursue humility for greatness, but where we pursue the greatness of humility.”

“In recent times in our culture we have put an increasing value on authenticity and a decreasing focus on integrity.”

“Our claim that we are committed to being authentic can actually be a façade for self-indulgence.”

“Our separations from God has not only made us echoes, but imitations, no longer reflections of the Creator, but replicas of a poor copy.”

“While religion works to restrain our actions from the outside in, God always works from the inside out. Only this kind of change lasts… Your motivation is not what others think of you, nor even the consequence of your actions if you choose another way, but your longing to have the image of God revealed in you. You simply want to be a different person.”

“Integrity is not just about who you are, but who you seek to become.”
“When we lack integrity, we live in fear. While that fear may manifest itself in many ways, it is fundamentally the fear of getting caught, of someone knowing who we really are. When we walk in righteousness and love what is right, when we live lives of integrity, we have nothing to fear at all.”

“How often do we place more emphasis on the development of our skills than the development of our character?”

“Integrity is not just about keeping our hands clean. At times it is about getting our hands dirty.”

“The real measure of our power is the freedom and opportunity we create for others.”

“It’s a wonderful thing when you look inside your own heart and like what you see.”

“How in the world could you ever imagine a life of faith that does not require risk? Faith and risk are inseparable.”

“Great dreams require great courage.”

“The path to courage would be paved through a life of meditating, day and night, on what God had spoken.”

“Even if you’re only certain about a few things, if you will live by them without wavering, you will find yourself moving forward with increasing velocity.”

“When our lives are shaped by the heart of God, we are able to respond without hesitation when the moment calls for courage.”

“Courage is not the absence of fear; it is the absence of self.”

“Bitterness requires that you live in the past; hope requires that you live for tomorrow. Gratitude not only allows you to enjoy the present, but keeps you looking forward to the future.”

Opening Our Eyes

The following is today’s devotional from the Upper Room.  If you do not have a devotion you are reading daily, I recommend the Upper Room, http://www.upperroom.org/Devotional/.

It is now the moment for you to wake from sleep. -Romans 13:11 (NRSV)

AS a pastor, every Advent I tell folks, “Over the ages, Christians have found it a beneficial discipline to simply wait; to wait simply; and while they’re waiting, to take an inventory of their lives.” And then people tell me, “Don’t be such a party-pooper.” Honestly, I don’t enjoy the role of John the Baptist who calls people to repentance. I prefer being Mike the Methodist who attends a slew of Sunday school Christmas parties.

Yet we are called to prepare for Christ’s coming as we wait. We prepare for Jesus’ coming by acknowledging our need for him. Realizing that we need Jesus isn’t very merry. It requires us to be honest about what’s missing in our lives and about what’s wrong with us. Advent calls us to recognize that the void in our soul cannot be filled by gadgets, entertainment, food, alcohol, drugs, sports, busyness, travel, work, religion, or church. We know that because we’ve tried. These do not satisfy because the void in us is a God-shaped hole that only the Holy One can fill.

Advent prepares us to see that Jesus, the baby in the manger, is the Holy One of God. If we do not wake up, our sleepy eyes will not recognize God in the baby who looks more like us than like God.